i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
