why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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