You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
