i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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