He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
