didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
