I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
