So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
