I heard we made out
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
