If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
