You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You are a genius and a whore.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize