I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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