I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
