So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
