where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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