I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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