I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
