You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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