I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize