"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
