id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize