i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My dick has a subreddit
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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