No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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