I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
