Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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