I CAN MOONWALK!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize