I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
