is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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