I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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