i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
