My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
4 words: hood of his car
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
