I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
