if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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