are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
