One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
