i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
