Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize