I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
