At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
