if you like me you must not know who I am
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
