i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
