we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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