I faked an abortion last night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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