Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
