Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
