So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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