apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
