My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
