Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
