theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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