I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
