And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
