No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
