Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
