So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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