I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
