so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
