I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize