New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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