sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
