is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
