my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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