I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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