WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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