Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
