So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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