sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
