well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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