I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize