I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
