PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
