D3 body, D1 cock
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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