I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
