I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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