I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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