Buhtt sex?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
