Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
