i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
there is puke in my bra ... again
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