i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
