just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
