I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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