You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
