I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My dick has a subreddit
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
