if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
