it wasn't lemon gatorade
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
