i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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