Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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