I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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