We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
