They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
