Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
