Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
