Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
