the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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