I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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