About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
