i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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