Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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