I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
