In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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