like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Randomize
