HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
